15 Weeks

I'm officially used to being pregnant... I think!  And I am starting to enjoy more than just the outcome.  You see, being pregnant is a miracle and knowing that a baby is the outcome is so amazing and wonderful, BUT all the changes to your body and emotions are much more than you can prepare for.

I have had so much going on physically: constipation, headaches, dry skin, runny nose, stuffy nose, blurred vision, ligament pains, sore butt, constant peeing, growing belly, lose of breath, exhaustion, gas, lots of burping, random pains all over, waking up to readjust while sleeping and I'm sure WAY more but I'm not thinking of it all at the moment.

I have had just as much going on emotionally: extreme excitement, obsessive thoughts about what I am eating and doing to keep our baby safe, dramatic dreams and nightmares, loneliness, desire to drink, overwhelmed easily, out of control and then completely in control and joy.

BUT NOW I am getting used to all this and acquiring more of an understanding as to why all this is happening.  I have found some good books, resources, midwives, friends, and more that I can rely on and find comfort in.  I'm starting to feel in control of what is happening and not so unsure of my every move.  I have always had a fear of getting pregnant and then having a healthy baby.  By this I mean, I am scared to death of having a child with special needs (mentally or physically).  I think part of this is because I am a teacher and have worked with all types of kids but I really don't understand these fears or why I'm so scared.  When i went to a holistic doctor, before I was pregnant, I expressed this huge fear of mine and she simply said, "So what would happen if you had a kid with special needs?" and my reply was, "the kid would be really lucky to have us as his parents."  This did bring some comfort to me and in all reality I believe we would be amazing parents to any kid.  So again, NOW I am feeling more in control and have realized that I have done everything I can to make and keep a healthy baby growing inside me so if anything is unique about him/her it is out of my control.  I actually only believe that last statement about 90% but that is a LOT more than before.

The other thing that I cannot wait for is when i am finally able to FEEL my baby!  I hear it should happen this month!!!!  I can't wait.  I'm also really excited for Eric to be able to feel the baby.  I know he has tons of his own emotions going on right now about fatherhood (although WAY LESS than me because he magically doesn't let things bother him) and I can't wait for our baby to become more real for him.  

We have settled in to our new lifestyle and have lots of things to look forward too.

15 Weeks